From "Vegas, Baby!" to Vegas baby...

I guess what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas!  You could say, we hit the jackpot and didn't even know it until two weeks later!  Are there any other cheesy Vegas-isms I missed.  Probably, but you see what I am doing here (and probably more information than you wanted, haha).

 

We were so pleased to become "Facebook Official" last week in announcing our new addition, but I have been meaning to elaborate a little with a blog post.  I also needed a forum to showcase my "Big Sis" photo shoot shots that didn't make the cut but were still so adorable they had to be seen.  Unfortunately, so far this pregnancy has been rough with round-the-clock morning sickness and intense fatigue that I do not remember having with Elliot.  This makes it difficult to accomplish simple tasks, like brushing my teeth, let alone writing.

 

We are so very excited about this baby.  He or she was a long time coming.  I have shared in previous posts about our struggles to conceive, followed by miscarriage, followed by more struggles to conceive.  There are never guarantees in life, and I know it is still early in the pregnancy (almost to second trimester!) but whatever happens we feel so blessed.  Last night I got to listen to Elliot's sweet voice telling one of her long-winded stories while feeling the first flutters of life in my belly, and felt so much gratitude to God for giving me this life, with my precious babies and amazing husband.  We will always feel grief over the baby we lost, but our rainbow baby (that's what they call babies that come after a miscarriage) has taken some of the sting out.

 

Elliot teeters between being really excited about the baby, to seeming to not really understand what is happening.  I think when we told her she expected the baby to come, like, immediately.  And when it didn't, she kind of lost interest.  She will occasionally make statements that when the baby comes she will be like Elsa, because Elsa is the big sister.  I don't think it has even occurred to her that the baby might be a boy.  Either way, I know she will be an awesome big sis!

 

 

In this one she is touching my belly.  Notice I am already showing...a lot.

An action shot.  She is jumping up and down in this one.

 

Thank you for all the kind words and support on our Facebook post.  Please continue to keep us in your prayers.  I definitely miss the luxury that I enjoyed in my first pregnancy of not worrying about every little ache and pain.  More updates to come in the future!



FREEEEEDDDDOMMMMMM!

 

 

We are debt free.  WE ARE DEBT FREE!!!  This is a momentous occasion.  It has been a long, hard journey, but we are, finally, here.  For the last 32 months we have been busting our behinds, taking extra shifts (Erik), and living on way less than we make to pay off (drum roll please)...$120,023.75!  This was my undergraduate and law school student loans, a small nursing school loan for Erik, and my Honda.  It feels AMAZING, like a huge burden has been lifted off our shoulders. 

 

We wanted to share our story so that everyone knows literally anyone can do this.  Before we started, we were overwhelmed.  The grace periods on my loans were up, we were on a single income because Erik was in nursing school, and it felt like we were barely making ends meet.  On top of all that, Elliot was on the way and we knew I would be taking maternity leave soon with no guarantee Erik would have a job by then.  I was tired of working so hard and making zero traction financially.  Then I remembered our friends, Matt and Hailey, had told us about how they had gotten out of debt by following the Dave Ramsey plan (thanks guys!).  I reminded Erik, and he was completely resistant.  He said Dave Ramsey was a right-wing nut and it sounded like nonsense (without actually knowing what the plan was).  I convinced him to attend the Financial Peace class, and from there he was hooked.  (For the record: Dave is a Christian and he happens to be conservative, whereas we are Christian and tend to lean more liberal in some areas, yet our differences of opinion had no bearing on applying the principles taught in the class.  In other words, the program is not political in any sense.  It does, however, have a basis in Biblical scripture, but will work no matter your religious preferences.)

 

Here is the nutshell version of how it works (this gets detailed and if you are not interested skip down :) ): 

1. Get on a written budget.  This was BY FAR the most important step for us.  We literally have a budget meeting every month where we decide where every dollar goes for the entire month before we spend it.  Sound daunting?  It totally was for the first few months.  But then we got used to it and found our groove, just needing to make minor tweaks each month.

2. Stop using credit cards.  Like ever.  Not even "for emergencies."

3. Create and use an envelope system, where each envelope has a label, like "groceries" or "restaurant", and each envelope has the amount of cash you agreed on in the written budget.  Use until the money is gone or the month is over, whichever comes first. 

4. Follow the Baby Steps:

1. $1000 emergency fund in the bank.
2. Pay off debt following the "Debt Snowball" method:  You list your debts smallest to largest, pay minimum payments on all except the smallest, to which you apply all the money you have designated on your written budget.  Once that one is paid you go to the next smallest, applying the minimum payment PLUS everything you were using to pay the previous debt.  Continue to apply this concept until all debts are gone.  It works.  I promise.
3. Get an emergency fund in place of 3-6 months of expenses.  This is also the place Dave suggests saving for a down payment on a house if you do not already have a house.  This is where we are now!
4. Save for kids' college.
5. Save for retirement.
6. Pay off house early.

Steps 4-6 are done simultaneously.  For a much better and more detailed explanation of how it works check out the website here: http://www.daveramsey.com/home/ and click on "Financial Peace University."

 

Guys, I cannot say enough good things about this.  Not only did it give us a framework for how to get out of debt, it has also provided us with information for how to thrive financially, how to ensure we have enough money to retire with dignity, and how to teach our children to handle money so that they are never in the situation we were in.

 

Now, let me pause here to brag on my husband a little bit.  Although he was initially resistant, once he got on board he was the best partner.  This was primarily my school debt.  But his attitude from the start was that we both benefit from my degrees and when you get married there is no "mine" there is only "ours."  I cannot emphasize enough how good this was for our marriage.  Not that it was rocky or anything before we did this, but there was always a tenseness about money.  Since we started this journey we have not had a single fight about money.  Not even a disagreement.  Keep in mind, for this to work you have to have complete trust in your partner that they will stick to the budget.  My trust in Erik never waivered.  You also have to approach it with grace.  If your partner wants to make adjustments mid-budget to make special purchases possible, accommodations should be made whenever possible and practical.  We extended grace to each other probably almost every month.  I am so proud to be married to my mature, goal-oriented, man.  Rolling up our sleeves and digging ourselves out of this mess together is one of the most powerful things we have experienced. 

 

 



 



So here we are,  cheers-ing to the future (Martinelli's Sparkling Cider, of course ;)).  It has never looked so bright!

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving

Guys, I'm turning 30 next week.  The big 3-0. 

It is coming, there is nothing I can do to stop it, and honestly, I am ready.  Bring on the adult responsibility, the increase in professional and personal confidence, the saving for retirement...I want it all.  Because the last few years of my twenties have kind of felt like being the 19-year-old home from college, who still has to sit at the kids' table with 8-year-olds at Thanksgiving.  No one takes you seriously in your twenties.  If I had a dime for every age-based rude comment, facial expression, or condescending tone I have heard/seen while in the performance of my job...

So, I have sort of always had a bucket list for things I hoped to accomplish by the time I was 30.  I love my life as it is, but there are some things I would like to accomplish on that list.  It is kind of late now to accomplish them all before I turn 30, so I am going to lay out some intentions for my 30th year, meaning I hope to have them completed by the time I turn 31.  Call them Birthday Resolutions if you want.  These are in no particular order of importance.


1. Get out of debt.
Guys, law school is not cheap.  Neither is college, for that matter.  Oh yeah, let's throw the year I studied abroad on there as well.  Imagine debt-free Erik's surprise upon finding out, after we were married, that I came with a six figure price tag.  Did I forget to mention that, Honey?  We've been working on knocking it out for the last two years, and I am proud to report it is currently under $8,000!!  So we should be free soon.

2. Learn how to put make-up on like an adult.
The tricks I learned from Seventeen Magazine have taken me this far, but I need an update.  I want to be able to wear lipstick without feeling ridiculous.  I want to learn how to apply more than two shades of eye shadow.  I want to know what all the brushes and pencils are for!

3. Shape it up.
Life kind of punched me in the face this last year.  I have been depressed, grieving, and angry at my body.  As a result, there is a little more of me to love than usual.  I have recently begun addressing my grief in a more healthy way, and have gotten back on track with diet and exercise.  I'm not going to say how much I want to lose or how far away I am from that goal, but I intend to be there by March 2016! 

4. Get more sleep.
I average around 5 hours per night, and I have no excuse.  I don't have a newborn, and my two-year-old gets a nightly solid 10, on top of daily 2-3 hour naps.  The goal is 7 hours per night on weeknights, 8 on weekends.

5.  Learn more about photography.
I got an awesome camera for Christmas and discovered I love taking pictures and am decently good at it.  But, to be honest, it is mostly the camera doing the work.  I don't do any of my own adjustments and am not familiar with the terms.  For example, tonight at dinner I confessed to Erik that I don't know what aperture is/does. 

6.  Run at least two 5ks.
Last year I ran my first 5k.  This year I want to run at least two.  It shouldn't be too hard, since I am pretty confident I could run one at this very moment thanks to Goal 3, which I have been working on for a few months.  Bonus points for a 10k.

7. Potty train my stubborn, stubborn child.
If this goal is not completed by the time I am 31 then I give up!  She will simply wear diapers forever.

8.  Buy a house.
Our ability to do this is limited by us finishing Goal 1.  Renting is fine.  I mean, it is pretty sweet to call the landlord when the dishwasher breaks and have him roll in a brand new one the next day without any of my money or effort expended.  But a lot about renting sah-ucks.  I am ready to add "homeowner" alongside mommy, lawyer, and crazy-awesome-settlers-of-catan-player on my "Things That I Am" list.

Ok, that is all I can think of for now.  Some of these seem lofty (I'm looking at you, potty training) and some somewhat frivolous, but I think it is good to have a mix. Meeting the easy goals keeps you motivated for the bigger ones.

Thank you, in advance, for the birthday greetings!  I am looking forward to an awesome birthday weekend because Erik and I are headed to Vegas, baby!  I would tell you to be expecting a post all about our trip in the near future, but you know what they say: What happens in Vegas...

The Grief Monster

I haven't felt like writing lately.  I have started a few blog posts, then not finished them. They are saved for later.  Maybe.  If I get around to it.

I'm writing this post for a lot of reasons.  One is that it has been six months since the miscarriage, which is a shocking amount of months to me.  It doesn't feel like it happened yesterday, but it also doesn't seem like it has been half a year.  I am also writing this because Baby Ramm would have been due at the end of this month, so I have been thinking about him a lot lately. (I think it was a boy.)  Another reason is that writing is therapeutic to me.  It helps me work out my thoughts and feelings.

But the main reason I am writing this is because I hope it will help someone else who is going through this or will go through it at some point.  The biggest thing that has helped me get through these rough months has been the willingness of brave mamas to share their stories with me.  SO MANY women and families go through this.  But we don't talk about it.  Sure, you can go online and find support groups or websites dedicated to miscarriage and infant loss.  But it is not part of regular, "polite" conversation.  The world does not know how to acknowledge this kind of loss.  For example, people who do not know about the miscarriage will say things like "It's about time you have another one isn't it?" or "She needs a little brother or sister."  I know these comments are meant to be well-meaning, but they can be so hurtful, too.  I would love to be able to say "well, actually we would like to have another one, but I had a miscarriage a few months ago" and not have to worry that it will make the person feel awkward.  There is something inherently unfair about being the person suffering and having to look out for the feelings of the people who are asking about things that are, to be frank, none of their business.  (Sidebar: For the record, even without the added hurt of a miscarriage, asking people about their family planning is wildly inappropriate under any circumstance, unless you are a close family member or friend, and even then it is an iffy, if forgivable, offense.  I am so guilty.  I freely admit to having done this before on multiple occasions.)  So it is my hope that in some small way, my sharing will help change that. 

I don't want you to think that I am not coping.  I have been functioning normally this whole time, going to work, taking care of my daughter, keeping the mess at a dull roar, what have you.  But what I have come to realize is important, and what I think I have finally done, is deal with the grief directly.  I don't think I did this until about a month ago or so.  Prior to that I did a variety of things that, in retrospect, were ways to distract myself from feeling it directly.  Here are some of the things I did:

• Redecorated my living room.  It gave me something to focus on, but once it was complete I felt terrible again.  Also, it was expensive.
• Decided our bedroom needed a little sprucing up too, while we were at it.  Again, goodbye money.
• Ate my feelings.  Oh, hey there extra twenty pounds. (Some of it was gained while pregnant, some while depressed.  Don't worry, I have already taken 10 of it off, a side effect of finally dealing with the grief head on.)
• Went back to work immediately.  Yep, I had the miscarriage on a Friday and was back to work on Monday morning!  This is crazy.
• Pretended like nothing happened while I was at work.  This turned out to be a huge mistake, resulting in a fairly embarrassing breakdown one day in the office.  It was brought on by an acquaintance experiencing a horrible infant loss tragedy, but clearly my own miscarriage grief was just below the surface.  My boss, who was aware of our loss, said she had kind of been expecting some kind of reaction at work, and very generously offered me some time off to deal.  Which, this time, I was smart enough to take.
• Did not communicate my feelings to my husband.  Erik is the sweetest and most attentive husband, so we were both surprised by information that finally came out: For Erik, that I was grieving Baby Ramm on a daily basis, even 5 months later, in varying levels of severity and, for me, that he didn't know that.

I don't know if these are normal reactions.  From reading the internet and talking with other mamas it seems like some of these are typical.  I didn't, like, poll a thousand women or anything.  And I am certainly not using these as advice for how to address your own loss, or what not to do, as the case may be here.  I guess the point I am trying to make is that it is okay to feel the loss.  It is ok, to need to take a break from feeling the loss by shopping for new throw pillows, but know that you will have deal with it when you are ready.  It's ok that your husband feels the loss differently than you do.  And it should be ok to deal with it publicly.  But until you are at a place where you feel comfortable doing that, find someone to talk to about it.  Because we should be supporting each other.  My go-to ladies are amazing and I could not have gotten through this without them.  Can't think of anyone?  I'd love to hear from you, Mama.

Holly Jolly Christmas

I'm not feeling particularly clever or wordy today.  I loosely have a theme for this post: Christmas.  This is super broad for me, as I tend to be a focused writer. (I have been brainwashed by law school.)  But, I DID get a new camera for Christmas.  Like a nice one (thanks, Honey!).  So this Christmas is going to be told mostly through the medium of photos.  Keep in mind, I am very much an amateur photographer and still getting used to the camera, but it sure beats the pants off of my smart phone camera!  I love it.  Without further ado...

Christmas Morning:

 

There is something wonderful about having Christmas morning at home.  The coffee was strong, the gifts plentiful, and the love abounded.

Elliot taking a brief break from opening.

She got new "glass slippers" and, of course, put them on immediately.

She then added her Princess Anna cloak.

And made her way to Daddy to open the big present of the morning...

...her Princess Anna doll! 

Obligatory pose in front of the tree.

 

She then found Mommy's glass slippers and paraded around in them for a while.

After breakfast she thought it was all over, but then we remembered stockings!  Sugar coma here we come.

 

 

In the afternoon we headed over to my Mom's house for Christmas dinner and, of course, more gifts!  These pictures were my favorite from the whole day.  Mom's tree is just so beautiful and it made the pictures turn out really well.

 

Among other things she received from Grandma Gail, Elliot opened up her Princess Anna dress-up dress!  As you are probably putting together by this point, girlfriend loves Frozen, specifically Anna.  She asked me to put her hair in Anna pigtails (two braids) before we left the house that morning.  She also made me put my hair in one "Elsa" braid.

Grandma also spoiled her with Anna boots!

Presenting Princess Anna of Arrendelle!  Look how artsy I was getting.  Black and white!!

Before bed she made sure to feed her babies.

And finally conked out, after a long day of excitement.

 

So there you have it, our holiday in pictures. We hope yours was exactly what you hoped it would be.  Merry Christmas, and God Bless you this New Year!

 

Love,

The Rammelsbergs

 

Hockey Stick

Here it is, as promised, for those of you who received our Christmas card and did not understand the "Hockey Stick" reference.

For those of you reading this who did not receive a Christmas card, uh, well, this is awkward.  Enjoy the clip anyway :).

Merry Christmas everyone!

Fall Weather Friends

I'm just going to say it.  Fall is the best season.  I love it.  It makes me come alive.  In the fall I am motivated to get things done, to workout more, to be outside with my family more.  It is possible I have the opposite of Seasonal Affective Disorder.  In other words, I am not SAD.  See?  Fall even makes me punny.

So I guess the focus for this post is all the fall fun we have been having.  And also to update y'all on Elliot, since she seems to be a new, more sophisticated lady every day and I am afraid if I don't record it somewhere it will all fade away.

She has perfected camera coyness.

This girl has developed a 'tude.  And most days that means she will not pose for the camera if her life depended on it.  If she catches me with the camera she will either turn away completely or tilt her head to the side at the last minute.  In the name of cute Instagrams, I have resorted, on occasion, to bribery.  

 

 



We are eating and preserving our way to winter.

We had an epic garden season.  And fortunately that means we are now enjoying the fruits of our labors.  The freezer is stocked with soups, broths, and sauces.  That combined with all the delicious flavors of fall...yum.  Our kitchen is the place to be!

Baking with my sous chef.

Getting the last of the fall harvest.

 

Erik turned 30!

 

My sweet husband took the involuntary plunge out of his twenties and I am following quickly on his heals.  But that is a story for another blog post!  He did not want to do anything big to celebrate.  His only requirements were that we go out to a nice dinner and that I make him a pumpkin pie.  So that's what we did.

 

We also went to the pumpkin patch because he is the best Daddy, and Elliot REALLY wanted to go to the pumpkin patch.  We all had a really good time though. 

Daddy is tall.  But Elliot is catching up!

 

 

And he even got to have a birthday nap before we went to dinner.  It was actually a day that perfectly encapsulates Erik: low-key, relaxing, cozy, and full of family time.

And because she's spoiled...

...she got to go to another pumpkin patch!  Ells and I went to Bill's Berry Farm with my Mom.  To be honest, none of us liked it as much as Country Mercantile.  But I know some people love it, so to each her own.  It was still a lot of fun, and we got pumpkin doughnuts!

Oh, and a pony ride.

And a caramel apple.

 

Halloween Festivus

 



Halloween was an event this year!  It was the first year she was old enough to really get into the spirit.  And also, the first year she realized that all she had to do was knock on complete strangers' doors, mumble a little "trick or treat" and they would give her candy.  Her favorite thing.  She practiced with my Dad for weeks.  She would knock on the door with her little bucket in hand, say the magic words, and Dad would give her a treat.  When it was finally show time we did experience a few hitches.  (Ahem, a complete meltdown at the end of the driveway wherein she declared she did not want to go trick or treating at the neighbors.)  While I didn't want to force her to do anything she didn't want to, I knew how much she was actually looking forward to the whole thing, so we finally convinced her she should try at least one neighbor.  Then the neighbor wasn't home!  In fact, most of the neighbors weren't home.  We finally found some, she got her candy, and the night was a success.

First look at herself dressed up like a squirrel.

Obligatory (and unappreciated) front porch shot.

What all the neighbors missed out on.

Poppy stopped by to congratulate her on a job well done. And to deliver even more treats.

 

The morning after.  This grouchy magoo did not come out of her post-Halloween funk until after her nap that afternoon. 

 

 

The things that pictures cannot put into words:

 

While I do a lot of photo journaling of Elliot's days and years, there are some things that cannot be pictured, but that are important parts of her.  She is developing into a real life person, with expressed thoughts and feelings, with an imagination, and with a big heart.  There are certain things we, as parents, can teach her.  Like to say "please" and "thank you."  But there are some things that are intrinsic to her nature for which I cannot, in good faith, take credit.  She is kind.  She is thoughtful.  She is very funny.  She is terribly smart and consequently can be manipulative, but she uses that "gift" sparingly.  She occasionally embarrasses me in public, but more often makes me proud.  I could write a book on everything she is, and on one of the things she isn't, which is getting younger.  I am simultaneously thrilled and saddened by this unavoidable fact.  Probably all parents experience this confusing sentiment.  When I look at her long, braided hair I think of the first time I ran my hands through the her dark, fuzzy hair the day she was born.  When she speaks to me in clear sentences such as "Mommy, I want to watch Nemo, with previews," I think about when she used to communicate through a series of grunts a cries.  Time flies.

 

I love my big girl.  She is the best.

 

The Wrap-Up

Winter is coming.  I am going to say this is probably going to be my one and only post this fall.  I might have a Thanksgiving post in me.  We'll see.  I don't know how professional writers do it, day in and day out.  So with that in mind, I wish you coziness, delicious foods, and the comfort of family and friendship this autumn.