Fall Weather Friends

I'm just going to say it.  Fall is the best season.  I love it.  It makes me come alive.  In the fall I am motivated to get things done, to workout more, to be outside with my family more.  It is possible I have the opposite of Seasonal Affective Disorder.  In other words, I am not SAD.  See?  Fall even makes me punny.

So I guess the focus for this post is all the fall fun we have been having.  And also to update y'all on Elliot, since she seems to be a new, more sophisticated lady every day and I am afraid if I don't record it somewhere it will all fade away.

She has perfected camera coyness.

This girl has developed a 'tude.  And most days that means she will not pose for the camera if her life depended on it.  If she catches me with the camera she will either turn away completely or tilt her head to the side at the last minute.  In the name of cute Instagrams, I have resorted, on occasion, to bribery.  

 

 



We are eating and preserving our way to winter.

We had an epic garden season.  And fortunately that means we are now enjoying the fruits of our labors.  The freezer is stocked with soups, broths, and sauces.  That combined with all the delicious flavors of fall...yum.  Our kitchen is the place to be!

Baking with my sous chef.

Getting the last of the fall harvest.

 

Erik turned 30!

 

My sweet husband took the involuntary plunge out of his twenties and I am following quickly on his heals.  But that is a story for another blog post!  He did not want to do anything big to celebrate.  His only requirements were that we go out to a nice dinner and that I make him a pumpkin pie.  So that's what we did.

 

We also went to the pumpkin patch because he is the best Daddy, and Elliot REALLY wanted to go to the pumpkin patch.  We all had a really good time though. 

Daddy is tall.  But Elliot is catching up!

 

 

And he even got to have a birthday nap before we went to dinner.  It was actually a day that perfectly encapsulates Erik: low-key, relaxing, cozy, and full of family time.

And because she's spoiled...

...she got to go to another pumpkin patch!  Ells and I went to Bill's Berry Farm with my Mom.  To be honest, none of us liked it as much as Country Mercantile.  But I know some people love it, so to each her own.  It was still a lot of fun, and we got pumpkin doughnuts!

Oh, and a pony ride.

And a caramel apple.

 

Halloween Festivus

 



Halloween was an event this year!  It was the first year she was old enough to really get into the spirit.  And also, the first year she realized that all she had to do was knock on complete strangers' doors, mumble a little "trick or treat" and they would give her candy.  Her favorite thing.  She practiced with my Dad for weeks.  She would knock on the door with her little bucket in hand, say the magic words, and Dad would give her a treat.  When it was finally show time we did experience a few hitches.  (Ahem, a complete meltdown at the end of the driveway wherein she declared she did not want to go trick or treating at the neighbors.)  While I didn't want to force her to do anything she didn't want to, I knew how much she was actually looking forward to the whole thing, so we finally convinced her she should try at least one neighbor.  Then the neighbor wasn't home!  In fact, most of the neighbors weren't home.  We finally found some, she got her candy, and the night was a success.

First look at herself dressed up like a squirrel.

Obligatory (and unappreciated) front porch shot.

What all the neighbors missed out on.

Poppy stopped by to congratulate her on a job well done. And to deliver even more treats.

 

The morning after.  This grouchy magoo did not come out of her post-Halloween funk until after her nap that afternoon. 

 

 

The things that pictures cannot put into words:

 

While I do a lot of photo journaling of Elliot's days and years, there are some things that cannot be pictured, but that are important parts of her.  She is developing into a real life person, with expressed thoughts and feelings, with an imagination, and with a big heart.  There are certain things we, as parents, can teach her.  Like to say "please" and "thank you."  But there are some things that are intrinsic to her nature for which I cannot, in good faith, take credit.  She is kind.  She is thoughtful.  She is very funny.  She is terribly smart and consequently can be manipulative, but she uses that "gift" sparingly.  She occasionally embarrasses me in public, but more often makes me proud.  I could write a book on everything she is, and on one of the things she isn't, which is getting younger.  I am simultaneously thrilled and saddened by this unavoidable fact.  Probably all parents experience this confusing sentiment.  When I look at her long, braided hair I think of the first time I ran my hands through the her dark, fuzzy hair the day she was born.  When she speaks to me in clear sentences such as "Mommy, I want to watch Nemo, with previews," I think about when she used to communicate through a series of grunts a cries.  Time flies.

 

I love my big girl.  She is the best.

 

The Wrap-Up

Winter is coming.  I am going to say this is probably going to be my one and only post this fall.  I might have a Thanksgiving post in me.  We'll see.  I don't know how professional writers do it, day in and day out.  So with that in mind, I wish you coziness, delicious foods, and the comfort of family and friendship this autumn.  

 

 

 



Summertime and the living was (mostly) easy.

 

Lest everyone believe our summer was completely overshadowed by sadness, now that the year's hottest and carefree days are unofficially over, I present to you the highlights.  Despite what happened, we had a wonderful summer 2014!  Check it out!

 

 

We had a berry tasty summer!

 

We spent a lot of time picking berries, either in our backyard or heading out to berry farms.  Elliot is pro now.  But despite all that picking I made less jam this year than ever...probably because a certain two year old kept getting to the goods before I had a chance!  Especially to the ones in our backyard.  Which is fine, because I would rather have them going fresh down her gullet than after they have been stewed in sugar and preservatives anyway.

 

I ran my first 5k!

Although I had never been a runner, I always had aspirations of being the kind of person who ran 5ks, you know, for fun.  One day in early spring, I said to myself "how hard could it be?"  Let me tell you.  Hard.  Seriously, I could not run a tenth of a mile without stopping to walk.  I was about to throw in the towel, when a friend suggested an app that tells you exactly how to run to get ready for a 5k in 9 weeks.  I engaged in the program and on July 4 completed a 5k, without stopping to walk, in a perfectly respectable time.  And little did I know I was around 5 or 6 weeks pregnant at the time!  The most rewarding thing about running is hearing Elliot say things like "I want to run!" or "Mommy, let's run!"  I love that she associates running both with me and with a fun activity.



 Unfortunately, really soon after the 5k I started getting bad morning sickness.  Mine is of the dizzy variety, and running was basically impossible.  It got to the point where if I went for a run I was sick the remainder of the day.  So I had to cut it out temporarily.  Then, when we lost the baby and I had surgery, I felt good enough to run but was not medically cleared for any physical activity for two weeks.  So this week was actually the first week of getting back on the program!  I am definitely not 5k ready anymore, but just knowing that I can get there is a huge motivator.

We dusted off our green thumbs!

In this family, summer is synonymous with garden season.  We have a huge garden this year and it is the year of the tomato!  I have picked countless pounds of tomatoes and have been turning them into soups, sandwiches, and sauces like you wouldn't believe.  We also have some prolific carrots, peppers, beets, herbs and many others.  I love being out there with Elliot, showing her how to pick veggies and pull weeds and then letting her help me turn the produce into lunches and dinners.  She is an eager helper and quite a little encourager.  While we work she says things like "Great job, Mommy!"

 

 

#rammfammvacation

 

In mid-July we went on vacation to Lake Pend Orielle, Idaho, with Erik's family.  It was wonderful!  They rented a house on the lake and brought their boat.  The rental came with the use of a jet ski, paddle board, and kayak too.  We spent the week boating, fishing, eating good food, and enjoying each other's company.  And Elliot found some good sports, her Grandma and Auntie, to indulge in her love of the water, which she referred to as "Ampa's Water."

Chilling with Ampa.

The rental.

Paddle boarding and water skiing.

Boating with Auntie Krista.

Bonding with "Gamma Shu"

 

Hey Soul Sister!

Erik and I were able to get away for a quick overnight trip to Northern Quest to see a Train concert.  It was amazing!  Pat Monahan is a wonderful entertainer and makes belting out those high, powerful notes seem effortless.  We were big fans before going to the concert, but he is even better in-person.  We danced to a Train song at our wedding, so they hold a special place in our hearts.  They didn't play that song, but everything they played was awesome, including his rendition of "Dream On". Wow.

 

The fairest of them all.

 

What is a summer without a trip to the county fair?  Elliot was particularly fond of the animal exhibits, especially the cows.  She kept asking for just one more time with the cows.  She also rode her first carnival ride.  By the time we finally left she was deliriously tired and happy, which is pretty much exactly what a parent hopes for at the end of a trip to the fair.

 

The Emerald City

 



We spent part of Labor Day weekend in Seattle with Erik's family.  Erik went to the Cougar football game with his parents and Ells and I hung out with Krista.  The next day, Grandma Sue took Elliot and me to the Seattle Aquarium, which was lots of fun, but unfortunately I forgot my phone so I have zero pictures of this outing...boo.  That night we went to...

 

...a Mariners game!

 

Ok, so normally I am not into baseball.  But, this summer Erik has been having me watch the games with him and I have gotten into it.  I know the players and the battle for the wild card has been making it pretty exciting.  Plus, Dustin Ackley is my boyfriend, so...

 

Unfortunately for us, we went to a crap game.  King Felix pitched the worst game of his career and they lost.  Even so, it was a lot of fun.

And there was a fireworks show afterward, which was probably the best fireworks show I have ever seen.  Set to music from Seattle bands, it was a delight to the eyes and ears!

 

We got a pooch!

Liza Louise Rammelsberg joined our family!  We adopted her from Pet Overpopulation Prevention.  She is almost 13 years old, but the vet says she is in shockingly good shape for her age.  Her previous owner boarded her with her vet and then refused to pick her up.  She is part dachshund, some kind of setter, and probably part corgi.  We already love her to pieces.  Elliot maybe a little too enthusiastically.  She is a good companion for Toast, very sweet, and a cuddly little thing.

We can't believe how well she fits in with our family.  It is like she has always been here.

 

Oh, and we are doing ok.

 

A lot of people have asked, or maybe want to ask but don't know how to ask, how we are doing after the miscarriage.  The truth is, we are managing.  We are putting our hearts back together piece by piece.  And some days are honestly completely normal.  It is a strange kind of grief that hits me at random times.  Things like making plans for the upcoming months can leave me feeling hollow inside.  Like before, we were planning on clearing out the spare bedroom to make room for the new baby, but now sometimes I walk in there and am overwhelmed with sadness because we don't need to change anything about it.  The hardest is at work when we have dependency hearings and the mom, who has lost all six of her other children due to abuse or neglect, walks in six months pregnant.  It feels so unfair.  But I try to swallow my bitterness and be grateful for everything I have.  We have grown incredibly close as a family.  And the support we have received from all of you has been instrumental in getting us through this awful time.  Thank you!  And please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

 

Well, that about wraps it up.  Our summer in a nutshell.  Hope you had a wonderful summer as well.  Now bring on the fall!



 



 

Life

This was supposed to be the big reveal.  The exciting news we just could not keep to ourselves.  It was supposed to include a blurry ultrasound photo accompanying a Facebook post saying something like "Life is about to get a little more crazy!" or something better.  I was still thinking about the wording.  Unfortunately, it ended up being a different kind of post all together.

But I want to tell you about it, even though it is deeply personal, because I want everyone to know about the life we loved so much and lost so early.  I found out I was pregnant mid-July.  We had been trying since December.  I realize that is well within the average time it takes to get pregnant, but for anyone who has ever tried, anything more than one month feels like forever.  I had morning sickness.  Bad.  In fact, that was the reason I finally decided to take a pregnancy test.  I felt a very familiar terrible and thought "hmm...maybe I should just check."  And sure enough!  Three tests later I was convinced.  We couldn't get in to see the OB/GYN until last Friday.  I wasn't sure how far along I was, but was estimating somewhere between 10-12 weeks.  We went in for the appointment and went through all the preliminary questions, the vitals, stepping on the scale...we even started talking about what kind of birth we were picturing and whether we were interested in going for a VBAC.  When that was finally through the doctor said, "Ok, now for the fun part" and led us to the ultrasound room.  I knew something was wrong almost as soon as the wand was on my belly.  The doctor's whole demeanor changed.  He kept moving it around and when I asked "Is that it?  Is that the baby?" his response was "well, that's the pregnancy."  And then he told us there was no heartbeat.  He said baby measured at about 8 weeks.  To his credit, our doctor handled everything in the best possible way.  He was compassionate, did not blink when I burst into tears, and left us alone as much as possible.  He scheduled the D&C for later that same night, even though I am sure he probably had better things to do on a Friday night.  We left the office and went straight to my Mom's house, where Elliot was staying, and I clung to her (my Mom, not Elliot) and cried my eyes out.  Mom cried too, and prayed with us, and said all the right Mom things.  Since it was still a few hours before I had to check into the hospital we took Elliot home and had a really nice afternoon together, just the three of us.  I am not being sarcastic.  It really was peaceful, tinged with sadness, but still a wonderful family time.  When it was time to go Elliot went back to Mom's and Erik and I went to the hospital.  Everything went smoothly, I had little pain afterwards and was mostly just tired.

The last few days have been a blur.  It is a strange kind of grief.  I feel fine and then all of a sudden I feel terrible.  It feels like I have run out of tears to cry, and now only the sadness remains.  My body feels great, which also feels like a betrayal.  Without the baby there is no more morning sickness.  I feel better than I have in over a month, and that feels wrong.  I regret complaining so much about the morning sickness, because I would choose 9 full months of morning sickness over this.  I hate that I still touch my belly out of habit.  I can't bring myself to take all the maternity clothes out of my closet.  I am reminded that it is only 3 days later, and all of these feelings are normal, that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but that doesn't make me feel better.

The only thing that makes me feel better is my daughter.  Elliot is like a bright, shining star of energy and light.  She makes me laugh even when I am at my lowest.  She forces me to carry on when all I want to do is wallow.  My heart goes out to every single family who has been through this, but most especially to every family who lost their first child and had no amazing toddler to come home to.  That would be infinitely more difficult.  I am so, so thankful for Elliot.

I know we will get there.  That it takes time.  Until then we are leaning on each other, our family and friends, and, of course, our faith.  Rest in peace, Baby Rammelsberg.  We loved you so much and can't wait to see you again.

Two

I have a feeling things are only going to get faster from here.  Not to be cliché, but it really does feel like yesterday was the day she was born.  And then I blinked and it was her first birthday.  And then I almost blinked and it was her SECOND birthday.  Before I know it, she will actually fit into those shoes of mine she stomps around in. 

In case it hasn't been made clear in my previous blog entries, Facebook posts, Instagrams, what have you, I LOVE this girl.  I love everything about her, even the bratty bits.  You might say I'm obsessed with my kid.  And you would be right!  And frankly, what's wrong with that?  I spend my days prosecuting cases where parents really, really F up.  Where kids will do just about anything to get their attention.  If you ask me, the world could use more parents who are obsessed with their kids.  Is it annoying?  Totally.  I acknowledge I am annoying with my constant social media chatter about my awesome daughter.  But I can't help it!  And if you really hated it you wouldn't be reading this blog :).

So, anyway, big girl turned two this last week!  Here are some photos of her actual birthday.  I took the afternoon off work so we could hang out at the trampoline park.  It was so much fun.  I think in the midst of it I even told Erik it was the most fun I have ever had, however, in retrospect, that may have been the jumping-induced endorphins talking.  Elliot thought it was thebomb.com (do people still say that?).

Wall to wall trampolines!

She really loved the foam pit.

 

We had her birthday party over the weekend.  The theme was Charlie Brown because apparently Peanuts is timeless and appeals to all ages across all generations.  Elliot has been obsessed with Charlie Brown since she was old enough to obsess.  We have watched both Charlie Brown Christmas movies more times than we can count over here.  And the viewings are year-round!

 

As usual, I wish I would have taken more pictures of the decorations because I tend to put WAY too much energy into decorating for these things.  It was super cute if I do say so myself.  My favorite part was Lucy's Psychiatric Help stand / photo booth.  Erik built that thing from scratch.  I just told him my vision and he made it come to life!  We had props people could wear to take silly pictures in the booth.  It was a hit.

 

We also rented a bouncy house!

Even though Elliot had never been in a bouncy house before, I suspected she would love it.  Jumping is a big deal for her right now.  And I was right.  She did not want to get out.  Even after all the guests left she was still inside bouncing the afternoon away.

 

It was a long, fantastic day.

 

By the end, we were all a little tipsy with sugar overload.

 

Happy Birthday, my sweet girl.  I will try not to blink so fast this year.