Last night I went swimming at the gym. It is a miracle cure for the swelling and makes me feel light as air, a feeling that I relish these days. Afterwards, I could not resist a nice, hot shower, especially since I am not allowed to use the hot tub. I do some of my best thinking in the shower. This weekend we are moving from our tiny, 1-bedroom apartment to a rental house in Kennewick, so I was thinking of things like finishing the packing, and what to unpack first, and how to arrange furniture at the new place and, suddenly, I just started sobbing right there in the Gold's Gym shower. It dawned on me that life as we know it is about it get a lot different. And while we are sooooo excited about the change, there is definitely a part of me that is going to miss this. Oh, there I go again! Only this time I am crying at work! At least I am on my lunch break. Don't be alarmed, in normal life I am not this weepy.
We could barely afford our apartment in Richland when we moved in 2 years ago. What am I saying? We could not even afford it! Erik's parents were paying our bills and my parents were keeping us in groceries. It was a rough time between my graduating from law school and finding that first job! It was the only place we could find that was available, under $1000/month, and allowed dogs. It is so small we decided to forego having a kitchen table, instead using the "dining room" space (around 5' square) as an office and eating at our coffee table every night. It was a tight fit for two grown adults and a little dog, but it worked for us. Soon the sound of each other coming in and out of the bathroom while the other was showering, the jingle of Toast's collar as he followed us around, and the delicate (and yes, sometimes irritating) dance in the kitchen as one of us cooked and the other put last night's dishes away became the rhythm of our lives. My favorite ritual is that every night we make dinner, bring it out to the coffee table, say grace, and then have a little kiss followed by the person who did not cook thanking the person who cooked. It sounds so Hitler the way I just described it, but really, it flows quite naturally. I am not even sure how it started.
My anxiety in leaving all that behind is this: I know things are going to change, but what if it is not all good change? What if I lose my dinner-time ritual? What if Erik works nights and I never get to see him? What if we are so tired from taking care of Baby Girl we start to care less about little things like pre-dinner kisses? I absolutely know that when she comes we will be filled with joy and she will enhance our family. But for right now it is all unknown. I think it is normal to have these feelings, right? I just know I love my life, and I have the best husband and sometimes change is just hard. It is a weird feeling, being so unbelieveably excited on one hand, and on the other being anxious about the future. Believe me, the excitement definitely trumps the anxiety and I know we will adapt as necessary. I think we are ready for our next great adventure!
Thus ends this chapter of the Rammelsberg Fammelsberg. On to the next...Parenthood!


